Yesterday I wrote in my journal, “Lord, only You know the truth. Will you please reveal it to me?…I want to play and laugh and feel light as air in my heart.”
You see, despite the many victories Jesus has brought in my life, joy and light-heartedness were not one of them. I knew something was wrong, holding me back from His best, but I had no idea what “that” was. Though I’m certain it’s a combination of several things, this morning, God opened my eyes to see that part of my problem was unforgiveness.
Two weeks ago, I might have argued. After all, I’d prayed countless times, officially “forgiving” those who’d hurt me. I asked the Lord to bless them, figuring it was the magic formula to clear my heart. Yet, in reality, each serious offense had been tucked in the deep recesses of my mind, liable to resurface when emotions or circumstances resurrected its memory. Furthermore, I had shut out my offenders, accepting payment for temporary entry in the form of flattery, affirmation, or affection. As the bitterness rooted deeper, the fees only grew steeper, and my life became a struggle to compensate or be compensated for every failure.
When the Lord opened my eyes this morning to see the unnecessary weight I was holding, He impressed on me to write them all down on a piece of paper, then shred it. While the list was surprisingly short, it unveiled the biggest offender was me. I cried cleansing tears, and assumed, aside from the shredding, my task was complete. But instead, I sensed the Lord instruct me to “get out another piece of paper, write down all your accomplishments, and shred them together.” Thankfully, the beauty of His command was not lost on me:
Jesus is my shredder.
A sense of relief began to overwhelm my heart. The past was no longer in charge. All that had been done to me, all that I’d failed to do, and even everything I’d accomplished was now and forever in Him. No more compensating, trying to prove I’m not who I was. No payment necessary; my offenders owe me nothing. My value can no longer derive from personal accomplishment. Christ is my identity, and He is all that matters.
So, today and forever, my goal is to walk (No, run!) forward, unhindered by the weight of offense or recompense and by a power only He can provide–the power of a clean slate.
In Him,
Kaime
“…but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead…”
Philippians 3:13 (NLT)“…For His sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.”
Philippians 3:8 (NLT)“…Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us.”
Colossians 3:11 (NLT)“Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him [drop the issue, let it go], so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions and wrongdoings [against Him and others].”
Mark 11:25 (AMP)“…His mercies begin afresh each morning.”
Lamentations 3:23 (NLT)
